A foggy conscience.

It would be unfair and ridiculous of me to claim I have depression, so I won't. Just a spot of feeling a bit down and out for myself. It's no biggie really. It shall pass in time...but at this moment, it's proving to be troublesome.

I am running out of things to distract myself with, and relying far too heavily on my friends - unfair expectations of what they should/can do. It's one of those difficulties that you need to tackle personally and get over it by your own accord.

I could stop all this - I could be selfish and stop all the pain I am feeling. I won't do that though, I won't let myself buckle. This is not for my sake or happiness, it's for another's, and in the end, that'll matter more.

On the topic of my all encompassing selfishness...there is still that fleeting thought that I can get this. There is always hints, and subtle acts that lead me to believe that I should just reach out and do it. I can't bring myself to do it - it's all so confusing, words and actions don't seem to be related. Which is very annoying. I know how much pain and hurt this would cause - but I want this, and for so damn long...it seems to be a recurring problem.

I realise that was vague and doesn't even specify what I am talking about...but that's what I wanted.

I have no idea what I want to do right now, or tomorrow, or the next day. So many insecurities and self-hatred.   So many frustrations.

SO MUCH COMPLAININ' AND BITCHING.

Some times you got to lighten the hell up...then again, we all need to wallow in self-pity sometimes.

Also, I went to the Foo Fighters...and then decided to go out buy all their albums because the concert was so good. I have a new found respect for Dave Grohl. He was amazing with the audience.

Oh, and the songs weren't bad either.



There isn't really many rules or regulations you need to follow when writing a blog. I feel like toying around with what to write, how to write it and what not.

Have you met my friend, Evan Wong? No? He acts in a show where he pretends to be a doctor. Doesn't ring any bells? Ah well. He's my hero - he just always knows what to say.

WHAT WERE THOSE REFERENCES? IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. Screw it, I am finished making sense.


Isn't life just confusing as blind testicles? I mean, seriously, what the hell does any of this mean...what purpose to any of us ultimately. Unfortunately, a lifetime is a long time to bitch about  it and do nothing.