These aren't the horses you're looking for.

Mistakes.

We all make them. Unfortunately we have to deal with and then learn from then. The hardest thing of all is not dealing with them, but learning from them, I find.

I made a mistake. I have dug myself deeper into the hole of depression and confusion.

Complex simplicity.

I was going to write a completely insane post about things, but instead I'll recommended some music, that should convey where my mind is at the moment.

- Wolf People

- White Hills

- Sleepy Sun

- Voice Of The Seven Thunders

- The Assemble Head In Sunburst Sound

Enjoy.

You can't tell me, muffin.

It is sad that in our world, one cannot hope to escape from being a victim to materialism. Even in our pursuit of something pure or a personal salvation, we would quickly abandon our crusade in favour of procuring yet another trivial item. Attempt to increase the attention we draw through clothing, or wealth. A completely vain characteristic.

We cannot hope to reach a point of virtue until we fulfil our desires for ourselves - for our own soul (not in any religious sense). We don't wish to please anyone else or to put oneself on a pedestal of some sort - an elitist attitude. One may claim to be antithetical to the idea of material wealth and gratification, but we are all, eventually, guilty of it. I myself included in this.

I hope this post hasn't seemed to critical of people's behaviour - because it is natural. Of course we want to be noticed, and want items and goods we feel hold some importance - even though in the grand scheme of things they are worthless. I am not trying to be self-righteous and seem as if I am not guilty of this, because I am. I am a repeat offender, I am just trying to come to the realisation of what life is, and what can be achieved through a different mind set.

Break free from the social chains and stigma and free yourself.

I am wholly atheist. I do hold any messiah in my heart as my all might commander. I do not hold any religious beliefs - I am more a believer in humanity, and hold the notion of helping someone else dearly.

I know I follow Christians values and morals, but I take this simply as a way of labelling what I feel and do. I would still feel the same whether it was called: "baked bean values and morals".

Religious has been a powerful learning to, and is a logical conclusion for early mankind to come to when lacking knowledge of what the world around them was. I respect the foundations of religion and what they do for people - it is only select minorities. I won't go on some crusade against religion now. I don't think I've got enough energy in me for me.

But, I have a greater problem with Christianity and Catholicism than I do with Islam. Our perceptions of religions and the people behind each one are so distorted by media and public consensus, it's hard to truly know what it true and what's not.

Live long and foster.

- Eh-Dunn.

With bells on.

Our search for solace is never ending it seems. Always looking for an escape from how personal reality.

I think I'll write a blog post about Anton and Mat-chu at some point.

Aren't people's idiosyncrasies supremely interesting? What we do - what has been conditioned into us. Learnt behaviour that we perform without even knowing. It's very interesting to see what people do when dealing with seemingly simple tasks, like conversations or eating. How they handle each occurrence or event - what they repeat each time. I am guilty of this too, as I know everyone is, still though, very interesting.

Also, while at work tonight I kept thinking of freestyle rap verses - some were damn good. If only I could remember them, or do like an Eminem and get out my note pad and write them down. I don't what the point of them would be, I have no interest in rapping, but sometimes the mind has some good rhymes goin' on. That crazy bastard.

I think I might right a short story for the next post. Look forward to that. Mark your calendar and what not.

It's very annoying having a mind like mine - it constantly jumps from topic to topic, but loses the last one in the process. Too much acid I suppose.

Wouldn't it be absolutely splendid if we could capture a thought.

Stop.

Think of that, you have a thought - it's a pure bright ball of volatile energy, containing endless opportunities and options in its use. It's raw and pure unrefined thoughts (cocaine?). If we could harness this energy from the mind, and then refine later on to fully flesh out the ideas and thoughts behind them. I think it would be grand. Really a thought is just pure, complicated energy. You don't know quite what the thought is yet - whether it's an idea or just something throw away, but this is where it gets complicated. No thought is just throw away, it just hasn't found what it is yet. Everything has a purpose and a thought, as simple as it may seems can evolve into something substantial and life changing. Everything is born from thoughts - sparks of genius and human evolution. Something creative can come out of anything.

The supposed geniuses of our time all had their respective work (whether it was scientific, music, etc) born from a thought. This is not meant to detract from what they have done, but really point out, that anyone can have an idea and build on that foundation and turn it into something great.

The mind is absolutely limitless, and superbly designed I must say...just a tad complicated.

Close your eyes, and open your mind to the endless possibilities. Perhaps music, or a great film will be what awakens it for you - whatever it is, let it do it. It is a mental awakening - on a deeply personal level. Take time to learn yourself.

Screw it. Do some yoga or meditate, whatever you want. Just don't take that mind of yours for granted and do not let anyone ever act as a deterrence in your life from doing anything or thinking something.

Vibing to ghetto meats.

You're done.

Done what? Who knows, but sometimes you're just done. Something has happened, which demanded your attention, you poured your soul into it and now you can't go on - mentally and physically.

You've finished what you had to do. No, that doesn't mean you got your desired result, but you're just done. You may feel empty, unfulfilled and just a tad despondent at the whole process, but you're finished.

We all end up 'done' at some point, and they won't constantly be negative. This I can assure you.

Do you know what I am talking about? That situation; individual; or group that you just are done with. You can give no more, you have to simply stop.

We're never alone in our feelings or sentiments we share for people. If you feel a particular way, then so do many others. You shouldn't see this as a bad thing - it should be seen as not being alone. You're never alone in a situation, or feelings.

I'll go on to another topic, as that way I won't double post.

I often feel torn as to what I want to be or how I want to present myself - and I am certain others feel the same. To dress this way, or speak like this, or even who you befriend. There's so many conflicting thoughts and feelings that exist with how to present oneself to others. With any choice there's this stigma attached that causes you to rethink what you're doing.

Life is confusing, as is our social structure. However, social structure is a human construct, and this must be remembered. We invent the trends, changes to music, language, etc. We are the victims of our own design - and this extends vast amounts of topics and subjects. We've created our own destruction, depression, inhumanities and selfish pleasures.

You know what though? I'm not the first person to notice and then comment on it. I know. I was shocked too. We are our own destruction, and seemingly everything else that's in our path, but, unfortunately it's a bit late to change so drastically that it could reverse all this. Am I a cynic? No, I'm being realistic. I am not claiming that humanity and human nature is at its base evil (or prone to being destructive). I am not saying that at all, I am actually very optimistic of humanity as a whole - I attempt to see good in everyone, but I honestly believe it does exist in us all.

I think I'll end my blawg (blog?) post here, so I don't just start ranting...and a parcel just arrived, which has taken my attention.

- TheLastAidanUthinkof.

They call me the Grinderman.

The worst decisions are the ones we make where we're not sure what the outcome will be. I made a decision like that.

I don't know how I feel about it at all. I'm so torn and confused. The only thing I'm hanging onto is that in the long run it will benefit the individual that the decision concerns.

I hope I've made the right decision and been selfless is my thinking.

Abbatoir housing department.

If someone approaches you, someone you don't know that well, and they start a conversation - that has topics you are not interested in, or the conversation (and friendship) is still in that period where you don't know how to react, then how do you act? What do you say?

We all do the same thing. We use a security comment - safeguard. Something we've seen work in other conversations, so we repeat it. It's like a safety procedure. You may use a humorous anecdote, that may change in topic and context, but the base still remains, no matter who the individual is you're talking to. Others may use a joke, or repeat something they've heard.

It's all conditioned behaviour. We've learnt it, and we've found that it proves to be successful. It keeps the conversation from going to the dreaded awkwardness, but also the conversation techniques you employ are fairly neutral, as to not anger the individual.

It's human nature, and it all stems from wanting to please someone, while keeping yourself comfortable.

The human psyche and the similarities we all share are astounding and very interesting.

I think you've got the wrong foot.

You know what? My introduction to the blogging world was...well, pretty mediocre. I think I'll start again, make a fresh start if you will. Also, I have made a ridiculous amount of posts, so I will post this introduction and then leave it for a bit.

I guess you could consider this my outlet for venting my thoughts and feelings. I've never kept a diary - I was never interested, but I have always been tempted to make a blog. I don't know why I was more attracted to the idea of a blog - perhaps it's the notion that someone may read the blog that I like deep down inside. Isn't that just so vain.

I don't have any real direction for this blog, it will just be me, writing a post from time to time when a thought (that's inconsistent) crosses my mind. Maybe it'll be topical, political, an interest of mine, or perhaps it will be drawings of a duck. Who knows?

I hope eventually someone does read this and get some (probably perverse) pleasure out of reading them. I've just joined the millions of others trying their hand at writing on the Internet - releasing their stream of mindless drivel.

Good day and good luck. I hope to write a more meaningful post soon.

- Aidan

[EDIT]

I see one of my Indian brethren has seen my blog! Hello, my friend!

Oh, who am I kidding. I'll take anyone I can get at the moment. I wouldn't mind seeing a couple Italians...or some Greeks...or more Australians actually. What an awesome excuse to make an edit to my post.

The weather outside is weather.

My jumper made it hot walking home.

The orchid crab.

I believe most of the time my blog post titles and content are quite unrelated. I don't see this changing in the near future.

Stay classy. Stay moist. Stay firm.

Also, catch phrases? As this blog is starting to sky rocket, I was thinking I need a catch phrase for it. So, here's a few ideas:

"Hah, you so inconsistent!"

"Whoa now, he ain't got no direction in his writing!"

"jdbgdjhfWgdf23sd" (Mindless, inconsistent speech)

No? Okay, I'll forget that idea.

Villanova hotel.

Well, I was just reminded by my Mum that I'm a bit chubby - I know this, but it's still a sad thing to be reminded off. I try, I really do.

But a guy loves his food. I am hoping I will have enough will power to lose weight and get into better shape. Though, there's nothing negative about having a bit of weight on you, besides the health aspect, so it's not all vanity for me.

Also, I must say, after walking from my local super market to school carrying $100 worth of groceries...I am in pain. The charity better appreciate it.

Actually, I'm being sook, I'm fine.

*Flexes*

I wish I knew how to speak your language, earthling.

I honestly wish I knew more than just the English language. I wish I knew Mandarin, Italian, Greek, Japanese or Russian! Any language! I love languages and anything foreign really...I only wish I had the determination and will power to actually learn another language.

Also, perhaps I am posting too much. Ah well, get over it zero readers.

Name confusion?

So, I changed the url to: vacant density. How modern and slightly mysterious.

I am now unsure as to what to change it to, I guess it doesn't matter, but I wish it matched the title of my blog.

Damn you people who stole it...then made me forget to include the 'n' in the url originally, which led me to believe it was available. Now I can't decide what to have the url as. I am still keeping with "Inconsistent Thoughts" as the name though. I like it.

-Edit-

I actually just changed it to: "Synapse disconnection" I feel that's more appropriate. No prizes for seeing the link between the name of the blog and the url.

Here, I have your lunch.

[Right] And hilarity ensues. I find this to be a very humorous picture. I do not claim any ownership of this, but I wish I did.

[Left] I think this image is actually a good idea of what my mind is like. Again, I wish I had created this utterly superb piece of work.

Also, this.

I'm also hugely interested in science, philosophy and religion as a point of research. I love Richard Dawkins and his break down of religion and what is behind beliefs and so on. I also love Stephen Fry, which is somewhat unrelated, but still.

I suppose what I am trying to say is, I love philosophy, music, history and other such things, and you can expect to hear more on those topics soon.

Inconsistent originality.

I just found out that someone else has the same title for their blog. Of course, they are not using Blogger, but some less popular one...word spread? Or passionfruit? Or press..ident. I don't know.

The point is, I feel my blog is completely devalued. Also, I am certain that the other blog is far more popular than mine (hurr, hurr, how'd you figure that out?), and, well...as it should be, I am certain it's better written and the person you set it up is very nice...that being said..I will probably attempt to kill him.

Death threats on the Internet. They're illegal aren't they? Ah well, he knows I kid. Still, I saddened that my blog title is actually taken, and their site is much cooler, and run by a more sexually attractive person.

I am going to rant about shit so much more now.

Indie.

You know, if you were to stumble upon this by chance...and you started reading this.

You'd be the biggest hipster around. I'll record a sound clip of myself screaming and you can claim I'm a musician (well, I do actually dabble in guitar, but that's besides the point).

Come on, twenty views on this blog...I'm like the messiah of the underground. Get on this.

You indie kid, you.

Individual? Therefore there must only be one of you, because you are an individual. So therefore I should gain one more fan.

Meaning I'd have a grand total of one fan. Not even I like my blog.

Cult of celebrity.

I have yet to even inform my friends I have this blog - they could have a powerful tool at their disposal if I did. They'd have an insight in to the inner workings of a mind made of brightly coloured gears resting upon clumps of misshapen, but somehow, comforting houses. These houses have tiny, somewhat intelligent, but socially awkward dwarves living in them. The dwarves living happy lives; oiling the gears, and making each component works as to allow the rest of the body to function, as it is inadvertently governed by these tiny people.

I imagine these creatures not like some hideous smurf clone (how could they get any worse anyway?), but more like small bearded men, who wear glasses and have a bald patch. They work quite efficiently, though, it doesn't seem to rub off on the owner of the mind they occupy.

Actually, that brings me to another point, do we own our mind? Or does it own us? Do we function with it, like two separate entities, or does one control the other. When the mind roams free or has seedy, deep, dark thoughts, did you will it to? Or did it do this on its own?

Yeah, next time you take some acid, think of that.

Also, I like this whole mind, gear work, world idea. I should write a story about them. I would entitle it: "The Gears of Thought: The Void With an Inhabitants"

That would sell like hot cakes...as opposed to selling poorly, like cold cakes.

Yes, well.

Do you ever get that feeling that you're not meant for the space you occupy? Who you're with, where you are, it's just not right? You're not alone, millions feel that way constantly and others at certain times. The latter is what most of us deal with.

We find that moment in our life, when an event happens and it changes us - we feel something, something strong and negative. I don't harbour any false ideas that my life or experience is in any way comparable to someone living in extreme circumstances, such as children living in war torn countries, or face political or religious persecution. I can never begin to even think of how they deal with what they have to face or compare what has happened to me with them. This is something we must come to realise, but at the same time not feel guilty or ashamed for feeling depressed at ultimately superficial problems.

If you lose someone you cared for, whether through death or a relationship collapse, it's natural for you to feel upset. This is normal, and she never be seen as something you should "suck up". We're meant to feel strong feelings of emotion towards something important to us. It's human nature.

We can't compare ourselves to those in a worse situation, but we should appreciate just how awful another's struggle is, and come to the realisation that not everything we complain about is as bad as we think.

I believe this post changed directions mid-way (lol, closed down), not really covering either point that well. Ah well.

Well, that was inconsistent. I think that's a new catch phrase right there.

Call of Duty: Black Frocks

What is the purpose of this blog I hear you loudly ask? Well, I don't know.

I don't plan to cater to any niche genre or anything along those lines. I love music, films and books, but I don't plan to write about any on a regular basis - sure I'll probably state my musical tastes a bit, but this won't be a blog devoted to that.

I guess this is just another of the few (millions) blogs that are simply just a person giving his thoughts of things no one truly cares about. I may rant from time to time or go on some kind of crusade from my moral high ground - which'll probably include me spouting off about racism and the horrible situations many people face due to discrimination.

Who knows...this blog'll be a mixed bag...of fun.

Of course, as you can probably see, this will end up being becoming a monotonous drivel of my thoughts and views. Though, I've heard that's pretty interesting. At least I tell myself that anyway.

I hope perhaps in time I will begin writing interesting topics, that may or may not be 'hot topic' and some people will enjoy reading it. This is not my aim though, I hold no fantasies of becoming some blog super star...I mean there's already enough of those.

Get ready for rants, observations and many distractions.

Mobile entity

Hey, look.

Blogger on my mobile.

You will prove to be useful in the near future.

Right then.

Well, I don't mind this whole blog thing. It has its charms.

And look 10 views! I'm obviously making progress - leaps and bounds if you will.

Though, I don't really intend to write this for anyone or any group, this is more a personal endeavour.

It is time for bed. The slumbers if you will. I only hope they're golden.

Goodnight and good luck. May your children be prosperous.

Until we mentally clash again,

- Aidan

Façade/Intro

Well, it would seem that I have finally joined the world of blogging.

So far, so good.

I suppose a formal introduction would be appreciated from my soon to be mass viewing public, so here you go:

"Hello, my name is Aidan Davidson. I am your friend."

I think that sums up where this blog is going and my frame of mind.

--END INTRO--

Now, for my first real 'blog post', which I shall entitle: "Façade"

We all hide behind a shell, a shield - a barrier that allows us to give away just as much as we want, but never to let ourselves become vulnerable. We keep hidden away those dark secrets we hold within ourself, as those are yours - and yours alone.

For someone to enter that inner most dark place of yours, that place of supreme tenderness and vulnerability, well, that is to give one's self up. It is a relinquish of our security; a safety net. It is when someone holds that knowledge, that pure essence of your very existence is when they can destroy you - when they completely make you crumble as a person - as a being or a soul.

I never let this down, I never let myself be who I am or reveal what I truly think or feel. There is always this wall between me and the real me - sometimes it is fragile and some may be revealed from those who look hard enough or know what to look for, but it is never really broken down. Never are the demons set loose to destroy what I have created in myself as a person.

This isn't a positive, this is a burden. I have not met a person I have truly been able to release myself to, despite the strong want to. This leads to frustration, built up rage - never truly getting what you want or need. Never fully gratified as a person.

We keep up a façade because it is protection - never revealing our true self, only what we wish to show. Some try to push forward this image of them self that is a total contrast of what they really are - to completely distort their own personal reality as a way of pleasing others around them, or to feel they are something different to what they are - not something they loath.

This 'post' has been a disjointed affair, that lacked direction or truly captured what I was trying to say. I only hope I don't disappoint my non-existent audience.