I just want, I just want.

Happy holidays, my friends.

I hope you enjoyed your Christmas, or break, or whatever it was for you - religious, family orientated, etc.

I will write a proper post soon, but for now, I think I'll just enjoy some relaxation leading up to New Years.

To MC requires some skill, I demand to be shown.

Yo, yo...
Viral nation, with the unfair social expectation.
Riding hard, no motivation. Got this whole world wrapped in a poisonous situation.
There no escapin', my life, my strife...my delight in life, as I feel right.

We're all searchin' for that answer.
Some look to the skies, rooted on the lies told to us.
We got to grab, grasp it and take note of what it is.
But first, we gotta figure what that question is.

Their lies can't blind no longer, we must stronger.
Carry on through the danger, misadventure and don't let it phase ya.

A confused individual, with the metaphysical rhymes to keep this transitional.
We're moving quick, don't stop now [pause] you may feel sick.
Moving along this road, we're invited to feel our enemies throne, though, forsaken if we are to cry and call out injustice in this place we call home.

No, no, there be no rhymes or verses that will stop us reaching our hearses.
The heavens await, but only if you open your eyes and realise, there's nothing but these here night skies.

Lyrical content with no label, this here be my ghetto fable - the stable of rhymes here to enable...a fixed position in a political cradle.
Of course sense and logic is optional - a poet with no direction, or a song with strict apprehension to the words that are written.
We're all forbidden, locked down by our flawed system.
Mysterious gentleman, stands before us. Unrelenting in his mission to keep us uninformed
Removed from the establishment, home, world, nation - it's a mass segregation.

Mind and body, becomes nobody, a simple philosophy, changes an outcome to disqualify thee. Do you see?
Here with me, hold my hand, and let them know...we just gotta let 'em know.

A close to an existence, without warning, it's persistent to make us fall to the ground.
Witness this, as I stand here, let no one cheer, and I beg you not to fear.
What comes now, is merely a feeling.
The collective feeling - a changing of positioning. A mindset with a positive attitude - open to going past the average altitude.

There was my little rap. It was rough, and written on the spot...but yeah. The back beat is this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOX-kWQl-Vs

Lucid walking.

Yes. I like that idea, Anthony.

Dispensary yum cha flounders.

Haha, yeah, Greek.

Αυτό δεν είναι σωστό.


I like myself a good font change. 


I'm going to write a story. RIGHT COW.


"Hmmm, what's the answer to this equation?! I wish I knew!"

"Why, son, it's 20^3 + 45^7 = r23!"

"Thanks, Right Cow! You're always right!"



The trials and tribulations of Harry:

For there was a great cold in the house.
Unbeknown to Harry, of course.
Call of nature stirred him so. The awakening of truth and existence awaited.
Kindly strangers and misshapen women occupied Harry's mind as he approached the lavatory. 
Incidentally the clock rang out a haunting tune, to signify the time was four am, or perhaps to allow Satan to enter.
Gently, Harry turned the door knob, and felt the cool, icy hand of something familiar yet distant.
Tender images filled  Harry's mind, as the influx of pain overcome his vulnerable body.
Right then, he did realise his existence was but a fleeting moment in the grand scheme of things.
In the darkness and light - he was empty, lost with nothing but icy chills that left their imprint on his eyes and hand.
Perfect, as it seemed, was the day. Time has gone past, and Harry had begun to forget his encounter with it.
Pleadings of salvation fell on deaf ears, as the death took his body into the void of emptiness.
Ending, as it was, a chapter that would serve no real purpose to the world as it was known.
Referring to his prior experience, he made sure Harry knew what to expect. The pain was never has he had thought. 


AND ON THIS DAY, HE WAS GONE: 


And on this day, we left him.
Bare and vulnerable, he lay. 
We wouldn't dare look into his eyes. We knew nothing would look back at us.


Stroking the hair of his head, we carried out painful normalities. 
The bell tolled - though, only one could hear it.
Ending the day that was our own. Leaving nothing in its wake.


The passing had caused no change. 
The soil fell into place, and lay in way that would hide away what we wished not to see. 
Kindness and actions of valour were discussed.


An ocean of sorrow dampened the wooden prison.
The icy glass further detached us from the world.
What was left for those, but to take inspiration.


And on that day, I left. 






Some Emily Dickinson shit right.




THE QUIET SUPPER:
He watched, as those around him gorged on the forbidden apple.
Their souls empty - relaying only vanity and the superficial.
Such burden he felt, for what had to be done.


The murmurrings of those around him, left him disgusted.
They had no right to inhabit his place - to take what they did not deserve.
The owner and savour should choose what is best.


Liquid fire covered his face, as he filled his righteous duties.
The selfish, sin ladden screams were like soft fruit to his ears.
He would be proud of the work he'd done. 


Adorned with metal bracelets and powerful uniform, he marched to the garden of Eden. 
The others were but confused souls who had found the place, but not filled their promises.
The glow of the divine - the white of his glory. It covered his soul. Alone he stood in exctasy. 


Il a regardé, comme ceux autour de lui gorgés sur la pomme interdite.
Leurs âmes vides - la vanité uniquement le relais et le superficiel.
Ces charges se sentait, pour ce qui devait être fait.

Le murmurrings de ceux autour de lui, lui laissa dégoûté.
Ils n'avaient pas le droit d'habiter sa place - de prendre ce qu'ils ne méritaient pas.
Le propriétaire et savourer doit choisir ce qui est le mieux.

Feu liquide se couvrit le visage, comme il a rempli ses devoirs pieux.
L'égoïsme, le péché cris ladden étaient comme des fruits doux à ses oreilles.
Il serait fier du travail qu'il avait fait.

Parés de bracelets en métal et uniforme puissant, il marcha vers le jardin d'Eden.
Les autres ont été confondus, mais les âmes qui avaient trouvé l'endroit, mais pas rempli leurs promesses.
La lueur du divin - le blanc de sa gloire. Elle portait sur son âme. Seul, il se tenait dans la exctasy.

Le silence était le cadeau qu'il accordées.

Look, Mum! No hands! Or legs! Or common sense!

Roads. The backbone of the world - the keeper and controller of the automobile. They serve a great purpose - truly a very smart, logical invention. The son of the path and track.

Oh yeah, and they hurt like fuck. Hard surface and what not.

Exeter RD (oh yeah, so you know it? Mad), is quite the steep road to be honest. Going down it, during the day, on a long board was not my smartest move.

I came from the top, all the way to the bottom! Well, that's a lie, I was very close, but not quite the bottom.

Actually let me just summarise it.

Road.

Speed (lol, two meanings?).

Car.

Gravel rash, cuts, bruises, blood and pain.

A shopping trolley.

SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD DAY FOR AIDAN.

Mum always said I'd be popular - I mean cars even hit on me.

I am bandaged and in pain still...but you know? Trying that shit again when I am better.

Happy Anthony? I TOLD THE WORLD ABOUT MY CRASH.

A foggy conscience.

It would be unfair and ridiculous of me to claim I have depression, so I won't. Just a spot of feeling a bit down and out for myself. It's no biggie really. It shall pass in time...but at this moment, it's proving to be troublesome.

I am running out of things to distract myself with, and relying far too heavily on my friends - unfair expectations of what they should/can do. It's one of those difficulties that you need to tackle personally and get over it by your own accord.

I could stop all this - I could be selfish and stop all the pain I am feeling. I won't do that though, I won't let myself buckle. This is not for my sake or happiness, it's for another's, and in the end, that'll matter more.

On the topic of my all encompassing selfishness...there is still that fleeting thought that I can get this. There is always hints, and subtle acts that lead me to believe that I should just reach out and do it. I can't bring myself to do it - it's all so confusing, words and actions don't seem to be related. Which is very annoying. I know how much pain and hurt this would cause - but I want this, and for so damn long...it seems to be a recurring problem.

I realise that was vague and doesn't even specify what I am talking about...but that's what I wanted.

I have no idea what I want to do right now, or tomorrow, or the next day. So many insecurities and self-hatred.   So many frustrations.

SO MUCH COMPLAININ' AND BITCHING.

Some times you got to lighten the hell up...then again, we all need to wallow in self-pity sometimes.

Also, I went to the Foo Fighters...and then decided to go out buy all their albums because the concert was so good. I have a new found respect for Dave Grohl. He was amazing with the audience.

Oh, and the songs weren't bad either.



There isn't really many rules or regulations you need to follow when writing a blog. I feel like toying around with what to write, how to write it and what not.

Have you met my friend, Evan Wong? No? He acts in a show where he pretends to be a doctor. Doesn't ring any bells? Ah well. He's my hero - he just always knows what to say.

WHAT WERE THOSE REFERENCES? IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. Screw it, I am finished making sense.


Isn't life just confusing as blind testicles? I mean, seriously, what the hell does any of this mean...what purpose to any of us ultimately. Unfortunately, a lifetime is a long time to bitch about  it and do nothing.

Bloody tripper.

Another fall and more pain.

Yeah, I thought it was an emu.

So many opinions, ideas and critiques...yet I think there's no point in doing a post because there's nothing to write about. There is an infinite number of things to write about, I mean, I could simply write about what there is to write about, or create something to write about. Sometimes, you just can't be bothered, or feel what you write won't be any good anyway, so there's no point.

Also, time for dinner. This post was rather redundant.

I believe I put it somewhere near my dignity.

There's always ideas and thoughts swirling around my head...and some of them are interesting enough - some are even quite deep. In the end, I never really expand on them or articulate them. It's a problem, perhaps I'm just lazy.

Also, I had a bit of a humbling experience today - I was reading a critique of a poem I am studying, and it was absolutely brilliant. I really wish I could put my thoughts and feelings on any topic or situation into words, like she did. The flow and structure of the entire piece was honestly one of the best reviews I have ever read. Hopefully as I improve and stop being so lazy when writing, I'll be able to write like that as well.

On the topic of integrity, I am really enjoying poetry. So deep, and full of meaning - absolutely packed with emotion and information. Single sentences, that would take two or more paragraphs just to explain. I have never had so much respect for poetry as I do now - I appreciate it now more than ever.

Poetry is an art form - a powerful tool for human expression.

My ears are golden.

Well, I had originally planned to go somewhere quiet, free from any shenanigans - like a lounge or a small bar. Of course, sometimes things don't go to plan.

After being drenched by seemingly endless rain...we finally made it to Camberwell....you know, because we wanted to get there and all. We then jumped on a train, back to Glenferrie station, as the streets of Camberwell seemed like a desolate wasteland, full of drunken murmurings, and sad, alcoholic folks at pubs. It wasn't looking too fun, especially not for us wild and crazy guys. I mean, this was like 10:30, and we had already walked from Hawthorn to Camberwell. What the hell were we doing?

Back at Glenferrie, we were far too wet and cold to care what place we went into. We just needed somewhere, anywhere.

So, we went to one of the biggest clubs in Melbourne.

Yep.

$20 entry fee, and $13 Smirnoffs. It was quaint.

It was experience...a very expensive experience. I hope I can go out again, when it's dry and we all have enough funds. I think it could be enjoyable, if there was proper planning and a good night.

If I had a million bucks.

I think I'll write a blog post instead of doing this math work.

I've came to a realisation about friends, and their personal loyalties to you. They can be easily broken and distorted. I hate to sound as if I'm whining, but at this point, I feel a tad low.

I won't really expand from that point about friends, though, it is comforting to know certain family members are there (even if they do lack funds). It seems a much greater friendship has grown out of spending time together then I had originally envisioned. It's positive thing of course though.

I am losing motivation for school very quickly. I want these holidays to come.

I am constant confused by what I feel and want my thoughts. Sometimes you feel you don't even know yourself, and you realise the way people see and perceive you is a total contrast to the reality, or at least how you think of yourself.

Unfortunately I tend to turn to classical, jazz or rap when I feel like this. Let us hope Saturday night is much fine.

I'll stop being a winging wanker (hey, alliteration) now. Back to the mundane.

Also, my phone is lagging something chronic (lol, Dr. Dre), and errors are a plenty.

Remedy for Lost Friends

I've noticed I come off as a tad pretentious when I write. I apologise for expelling such, all encompassing shit.

But, hey...every other writer on the internet does too. I use the word "writer" loosely. th

Birthday soon as well. 18. I'm ready for nothing to change.

Irate-bull

I've noticed that I've become a little short tempered lately. Though, in saying this, I am still reasonable enough, I believe to have not just got angry at someone for no reason. However, if I have, I apologise.

This won't be a real post, as I hadn't the time, but I wanted to update, and explain my absence, which had been due to my fractured arm and school exams. Sorry, audience.

I had some thoughts today, about the fabric of our existence, and the cohesiveness of our perceived reality.
Ideas, thoughts, conditioned elements around us so could easily collapse - the security infrastructure we set up within our unconscious self could easily fall apart.

Interesting to think just how fragile we are. It is not what happens to us physically that will destroy us, it's mentally. Unless you're like shot or some shit.

Memoirs of a crazed conformist.

I quite like that blog title.



I wish it could be put to better use.

Transcending dystopia.

There is a huge amount about this world we simply do not know.

Do I refer to the unknown reaches of our own world? A utopia of myth and legend we have yet to discover? No. I mean the secrets of man.

We do not know, or fully realise what our government does, or organisations, or companies. We do not really know anything. We are so hugely influenced  and dependant on the media, that they can simply tell us anything and we will blindly believe it.

Everyone has differing opinions on the Wikileaks site and its content. You are entitled to one - perhaps you believe that the knowledge is too dangerous and the public shouldn't know, or you may think we have the right to know. The fact remains though, it shows how distorted the media and government it. A story, or event is never one sided, nor is it even two - there are always multiple perspectives and truths to it, that we simply do not know or understand.

I find it unbelievably interesting looking back through time to different societies, and the secrets they held. The organisations that did the bidding of the respective person (or people) in power without their subjects knowing, or the underground networks of contacts they established. It's hugely interesting, and there is just a wealth of knowledge available, which gives a clear indication of how humanity works and what positions of power do.

It would be foolish to deny the existence of secrets doings of how officials in this day and age. We know this, and on occasion government will admit to it, usually spinning the angle that it's for our greater good or national protection.

Nothing is cut and dry, black and white or a single layer. There is always something below that surface.

I seem to lack the determination...or perhaps I think an essay will bore you to write full detailed blogposts on my inner mind and workings. I unsure whether people would be interested.

Another quick point - when we seek the truth, is it because we believe it is right? Is it? Do we do it for the greater good, to help something, to uncover injustices? Do we? Do you tell someone about a situation that was previously perceived incorrectly, as to give them closure or bring someone to justice, because you believe it is right? Morally right?

Do you? Or do you do it because humans inherently do not won't to be wrong?

Man (in a general humanity sense) does not want to be proven incorrect. If we can prove what we're saying to be the "truth" then we are right - we win, you win.

Perhaps we're naturally evil, selfish beings that are and always will be the masters of our own demise.

Wrongboarding.

I am in considerable amounts of pain.

Freaking cars.

I hate you.

Fight the power.

Wonton Destruction: The Destruction of Wontons.

I am at school at the moment. Yes, I am school going lad, and I do enjoy my time here. There's a privallage with going to school - something we take so unapologetically for granted. We don't even comprehend what we're given and able to take grasp of.

We're gaining an education - knowledge. A tool so powerful and vital it's astonishing some us don't even enjoying gaining it.

I know I am sounding self-righteous here, and I did pretend, even for a second, that I am some super intelligent student, who is organised and constantly gets top marks. I am unmotivated, unorganised and not nearly doing as well as I'd like to be. The point is though, I do appreciate my learning and education - what knowledge I can gain, and the power of it.

It is not a gun, or money that truly gives you power, it is knowledge. It is out collection of information from the environment around us that allows us to succeed. Everytime we attempt a task, we use our knowledge, our past failure, our experiences and common sense to approach and complete it.

It can't be understated just how intergral information and knowledge collection is.

I am sorry, my gorgeous friends, but I must leave now. School is ending soon...and I have yet to start my work, which just reinforces my argument perfectly.

Thank you. Good day.

Yo, that's a damn fine squid.

I think it's time to get the juices flowing - just let it all hang out. Let's write some complete randomness. I'll tell you about my day, you tell me about yours? That way we both get a go at pretending to listen.

I bought a longboard (no, a skateboard) a couple days, and I must say, I am loving it. I mean, I almost broke my leg today and I bent my back way too far back, but damn, it's pretty fun.

Just riding down a hill, wind in your hair...then realising you need to stop. I simply bail, or as a I like to call it "flailing and landing". I think I am getting better...then again, it's the second day...so let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

I just spaced twice and the whole writing area extended. I wish my love life was like that.

Don't even know what that meant, but it sounds like it has the potential to be witty.

I know what you're thinking, friend: "This isn't Anthony? What is this shit?"

That's true, and perhaps this inconsistent stream of thoughts is a bit similar to his blogging style, but to hell with it - I'ma going to roll with it and see how it goes...for this post. Then I'll get back to deep thoughts. I promise.

I need to figure out why my graphic tablet keeps becoming unresponsive over time, which requires me to reinstall the drivers. It's very troublesome.

I really wish The Black Keys and The White Stripes would do a concert together. I'd adore that in fact. I'd buy two tickets - just so they knew I was wanting to see them both equally.

Also, the GTA V trailer is out soon. I don't care what you think. I love me some GTA. GTA being an acronym for "Great Tasting Aidan" obviously. Humour, what's going on? Hey, where you going?

Maybe next I replicate someone else's style - Matt, you're next. You know what, fuck originality, none of us are anyway - we're just building of another foundation laid, or even being a carbon copy. I probably won't post another blog like this, but in all honesty, this really was just a stream of thoughts. Though, the result was a little lacklustre.

Another service announcement.

Mentally and physically I feel weak at times - though some occasions stem from being inebriated, often it's simply just a situation or event that's happened/happening.

It's the combination of both that gives the feeling of extreme helplessness. You give up at the task at hand or just don't attempt anything new - it's an awful sensation. Some would consider it depression, but it's sporadic and adheres to no pattern that simply calling it depression would be labelling it too simply. Perhaps sporadic depression. Perhaps.

I can't claim to be depressed or even remotely close to be - I wouldn't dare compare myself with those that actually have severe depression and/or mental problems. It's just something that can occur and has occurred from time to time. How strange the human psyche is.

These aren't the horses you're looking for.

Mistakes.

We all make them. Unfortunately we have to deal with and then learn from then. The hardest thing of all is not dealing with them, but learning from them, I find.

I made a mistake. I have dug myself deeper into the hole of depression and confusion.

Complex simplicity.

I was going to write a completely insane post about things, but instead I'll recommended some music, that should convey where my mind is at the moment.

- Wolf People

- White Hills

- Sleepy Sun

- Voice Of The Seven Thunders

- The Assemble Head In Sunburst Sound

Enjoy.

You can't tell me, muffin.

It is sad that in our world, one cannot hope to escape from being a victim to materialism. Even in our pursuit of something pure or a personal salvation, we would quickly abandon our crusade in favour of procuring yet another trivial item. Attempt to increase the attention we draw through clothing, or wealth. A completely vain characteristic.

We cannot hope to reach a point of virtue until we fulfil our desires for ourselves - for our own soul (not in any religious sense). We don't wish to please anyone else or to put oneself on a pedestal of some sort - an elitist attitude. One may claim to be antithetical to the idea of material wealth and gratification, but we are all, eventually, guilty of it. I myself included in this.

I hope this post hasn't seemed to critical of people's behaviour - because it is natural. Of course we want to be noticed, and want items and goods we feel hold some importance - even though in the grand scheme of things they are worthless. I am not trying to be self-righteous and seem as if I am not guilty of this, because I am. I am a repeat offender, I am just trying to come to the realisation of what life is, and what can be achieved through a different mind set.

Break free from the social chains and stigma and free yourself.

I am wholly atheist. I do hold any messiah in my heart as my all might commander. I do not hold any religious beliefs - I am more a believer in humanity, and hold the notion of helping someone else dearly.

I know I follow Christians values and morals, but I take this simply as a way of labelling what I feel and do. I would still feel the same whether it was called: "baked bean values and morals".

Religious has been a powerful learning to, and is a logical conclusion for early mankind to come to when lacking knowledge of what the world around them was. I respect the foundations of religion and what they do for people - it is only select minorities. I won't go on some crusade against religion now. I don't think I've got enough energy in me for me.

But, I have a greater problem with Christianity and Catholicism than I do with Islam. Our perceptions of religions and the people behind each one are so distorted by media and public consensus, it's hard to truly know what it true and what's not.

Live long and foster.

- Eh-Dunn.

With bells on.

Our search for solace is never ending it seems. Always looking for an escape from how personal reality.

I think I'll write a blog post about Anton and Mat-chu at some point.

Aren't people's idiosyncrasies supremely interesting? What we do - what has been conditioned into us. Learnt behaviour that we perform without even knowing. It's very interesting to see what people do when dealing with seemingly simple tasks, like conversations or eating. How they handle each occurrence or event - what they repeat each time. I am guilty of this too, as I know everyone is, still though, very interesting.

Also, while at work tonight I kept thinking of freestyle rap verses - some were damn good. If only I could remember them, or do like an Eminem and get out my note pad and write them down. I don't what the point of them would be, I have no interest in rapping, but sometimes the mind has some good rhymes goin' on. That crazy bastard.

I think I might right a short story for the next post. Look forward to that. Mark your calendar and what not.

It's very annoying having a mind like mine - it constantly jumps from topic to topic, but loses the last one in the process. Too much acid I suppose.

Wouldn't it be absolutely splendid if we could capture a thought.

Stop.

Think of that, you have a thought - it's a pure bright ball of volatile energy, containing endless opportunities and options in its use. It's raw and pure unrefined thoughts (cocaine?). If we could harness this energy from the mind, and then refine later on to fully flesh out the ideas and thoughts behind them. I think it would be grand. Really a thought is just pure, complicated energy. You don't know quite what the thought is yet - whether it's an idea or just something throw away, but this is where it gets complicated. No thought is just throw away, it just hasn't found what it is yet. Everything has a purpose and a thought, as simple as it may seems can evolve into something substantial and life changing. Everything is born from thoughts - sparks of genius and human evolution. Something creative can come out of anything.

The supposed geniuses of our time all had their respective work (whether it was scientific, music, etc) born from a thought. This is not meant to detract from what they have done, but really point out, that anyone can have an idea and build on that foundation and turn it into something great.

The mind is absolutely limitless, and superbly designed I must say...just a tad complicated.

Close your eyes, and open your mind to the endless possibilities. Perhaps music, or a great film will be what awakens it for you - whatever it is, let it do it. It is a mental awakening - on a deeply personal level. Take time to learn yourself.

Screw it. Do some yoga or meditate, whatever you want. Just don't take that mind of yours for granted and do not let anyone ever act as a deterrence in your life from doing anything or thinking something.

Vibing to ghetto meats.

You're done.

Done what? Who knows, but sometimes you're just done. Something has happened, which demanded your attention, you poured your soul into it and now you can't go on - mentally and physically.

You've finished what you had to do. No, that doesn't mean you got your desired result, but you're just done. You may feel empty, unfulfilled and just a tad despondent at the whole process, but you're finished.

We all end up 'done' at some point, and they won't constantly be negative. This I can assure you.

Do you know what I am talking about? That situation; individual; or group that you just are done with. You can give no more, you have to simply stop.

We're never alone in our feelings or sentiments we share for people. If you feel a particular way, then so do many others. You shouldn't see this as a bad thing - it should be seen as not being alone. You're never alone in a situation, or feelings.

I'll go on to another topic, as that way I won't double post.

I often feel torn as to what I want to be or how I want to present myself - and I am certain others feel the same. To dress this way, or speak like this, or even who you befriend. There's so many conflicting thoughts and feelings that exist with how to present oneself to others. With any choice there's this stigma attached that causes you to rethink what you're doing.

Life is confusing, as is our social structure. However, social structure is a human construct, and this must be remembered. We invent the trends, changes to music, language, etc. We are the victims of our own design - and this extends vast amounts of topics and subjects. We've created our own destruction, depression, inhumanities and selfish pleasures.

You know what though? I'm not the first person to notice and then comment on it. I know. I was shocked too. We are our own destruction, and seemingly everything else that's in our path, but, unfortunately it's a bit late to change so drastically that it could reverse all this. Am I a cynic? No, I'm being realistic. I am not claiming that humanity and human nature is at its base evil (or prone to being destructive). I am not saying that at all, I am actually very optimistic of humanity as a whole - I attempt to see good in everyone, but I honestly believe it does exist in us all.

I think I'll end my blawg (blog?) post here, so I don't just start ranting...and a parcel just arrived, which has taken my attention.

- TheLastAidanUthinkof.

They call me the Grinderman.

The worst decisions are the ones we make where we're not sure what the outcome will be. I made a decision like that.

I don't know how I feel about it at all. I'm so torn and confused. The only thing I'm hanging onto is that in the long run it will benefit the individual that the decision concerns.

I hope I've made the right decision and been selfless is my thinking.

Abbatoir housing department.

If someone approaches you, someone you don't know that well, and they start a conversation - that has topics you are not interested in, or the conversation (and friendship) is still in that period where you don't know how to react, then how do you act? What do you say?

We all do the same thing. We use a security comment - safeguard. Something we've seen work in other conversations, so we repeat it. It's like a safety procedure. You may use a humorous anecdote, that may change in topic and context, but the base still remains, no matter who the individual is you're talking to. Others may use a joke, or repeat something they've heard.

It's all conditioned behaviour. We've learnt it, and we've found that it proves to be successful. It keeps the conversation from going to the dreaded awkwardness, but also the conversation techniques you employ are fairly neutral, as to not anger the individual.

It's human nature, and it all stems from wanting to please someone, while keeping yourself comfortable.

The human psyche and the similarities we all share are astounding and very interesting.

I think you've got the wrong foot.

You know what? My introduction to the blogging world was...well, pretty mediocre. I think I'll start again, make a fresh start if you will. Also, I have made a ridiculous amount of posts, so I will post this introduction and then leave it for a bit.

I guess you could consider this my outlet for venting my thoughts and feelings. I've never kept a diary - I was never interested, but I have always been tempted to make a blog. I don't know why I was more attracted to the idea of a blog - perhaps it's the notion that someone may read the blog that I like deep down inside. Isn't that just so vain.

I don't have any real direction for this blog, it will just be me, writing a post from time to time when a thought (that's inconsistent) crosses my mind. Maybe it'll be topical, political, an interest of mine, or perhaps it will be drawings of a duck. Who knows?

I hope eventually someone does read this and get some (probably perverse) pleasure out of reading them. I've just joined the millions of others trying their hand at writing on the Internet - releasing their stream of mindless drivel.

Good day and good luck. I hope to write a more meaningful post soon.

- Aidan

[EDIT]

I see one of my Indian brethren has seen my blog! Hello, my friend!

Oh, who am I kidding. I'll take anyone I can get at the moment. I wouldn't mind seeing a couple Italians...or some Greeks...or more Australians actually. What an awesome excuse to make an edit to my post.

The weather outside is weather.

My jumper made it hot walking home.

The orchid crab.

I believe most of the time my blog post titles and content are quite unrelated. I don't see this changing in the near future.

Stay classy. Stay moist. Stay firm.

Also, catch phrases? As this blog is starting to sky rocket, I was thinking I need a catch phrase for it. So, here's a few ideas:

"Hah, you so inconsistent!"

"Whoa now, he ain't got no direction in his writing!"

"jdbgdjhfWgdf23sd" (Mindless, inconsistent speech)

No? Okay, I'll forget that idea.

Villanova hotel.

Well, I was just reminded by my Mum that I'm a bit chubby - I know this, but it's still a sad thing to be reminded off. I try, I really do.

But a guy loves his food. I am hoping I will have enough will power to lose weight and get into better shape. Though, there's nothing negative about having a bit of weight on you, besides the health aspect, so it's not all vanity for me.

Also, I must say, after walking from my local super market to school carrying $100 worth of groceries...I am in pain. The charity better appreciate it.

Actually, I'm being sook, I'm fine.

*Flexes*

I wish I knew how to speak your language, earthling.

I honestly wish I knew more than just the English language. I wish I knew Mandarin, Italian, Greek, Japanese or Russian! Any language! I love languages and anything foreign really...I only wish I had the determination and will power to actually learn another language.

Also, perhaps I am posting too much. Ah well, get over it zero readers.

Name confusion?

So, I changed the url to: vacant density. How modern and slightly mysterious.

I am now unsure as to what to change it to, I guess it doesn't matter, but I wish it matched the title of my blog.

Damn you people who stole it...then made me forget to include the 'n' in the url originally, which led me to believe it was available. Now I can't decide what to have the url as. I am still keeping with "Inconsistent Thoughts" as the name though. I like it.

-Edit-

I actually just changed it to: "Synapse disconnection" I feel that's more appropriate. No prizes for seeing the link between the name of the blog and the url.

Here, I have your lunch.

[Right] And hilarity ensues. I find this to be a very humorous picture. I do not claim any ownership of this, but I wish I did.

[Left] I think this image is actually a good idea of what my mind is like. Again, I wish I had created this utterly superb piece of work.

Also, this.

I'm also hugely interested in science, philosophy and religion as a point of research. I love Richard Dawkins and his break down of religion and what is behind beliefs and so on. I also love Stephen Fry, which is somewhat unrelated, but still.

I suppose what I am trying to say is, I love philosophy, music, history and other such things, and you can expect to hear more on those topics soon.

Inconsistent originality.

I just found out that someone else has the same title for their blog. Of course, they are not using Blogger, but some less popular one...word spread? Or passionfruit? Or press..ident. I don't know.

The point is, I feel my blog is completely devalued. Also, I am certain that the other blog is far more popular than mine (hurr, hurr, how'd you figure that out?), and, well...as it should be, I am certain it's better written and the person you set it up is very nice...that being said..I will probably attempt to kill him.

Death threats on the Internet. They're illegal aren't they? Ah well, he knows I kid. Still, I saddened that my blog title is actually taken, and their site is much cooler, and run by a more sexually attractive person.

I am going to rant about shit so much more now.

Indie.

You know, if you were to stumble upon this by chance...and you started reading this.

You'd be the biggest hipster around. I'll record a sound clip of myself screaming and you can claim I'm a musician (well, I do actually dabble in guitar, but that's besides the point).

Come on, twenty views on this blog...I'm like the messiah of the underground. Get on this.

You indie kid, you.

Individual? Therefore there must only be one of you, because you are an individual. So therefore I should gain one more fan.

Meaning I'd have a grand total of one fan. Not even I like my blog.

Cult of celebrity.

I have yet to even inform my friends I have this blog - they could have a powerful tool at their disposal if I did. They'd have an insight in to the inner workings of a mind made of brightly coloured gears resting upon clumps of misshapen, but somehow, comforting houses. These houses have tiny, somewhat intelligent, but socially awkward dwarves living in them. The dwarves living happy lives; oiling the gears, and making each component works as to allow the rest of the body to function, as it is inadvertently governed by these tiny people.

I imagine these creatures not like some hideous smurf clone (how could they get any worse anyway?), but more like small bearded men, who wear glasses and have a bald patch. They work quite efficiently, though, it doesn't seem to rub off on the owner of the mind they occupy.

Actually, that brings me to another point, do we own our mind? Or does it own us? Do we function with it, like two separate entities, or does one control the other. When the mind roams free or has seedy, deep, dark thoughts, did you will it to? Or did it do this on its own?

Yeah, next time you take some acid, think of that.

Also, I like this whole mind, gear work, world idea. I should write a story about them. I would entitle it: "The Gears of Thought: The Void With an Inhabitants"

That would sell like hot cakes...as opposed to selling poorly, like cold cakes.

Yes, well.

Do you ever get that feeling that you're not meant for the space you occupy? Who you're with, where you are, it's just not right? You're not alone, millions feel that way constantly and others at certain times. The latter is what most of us deal with.

We find that moment in our life, when an event happens and it changes us - we feel something, something strong and negative. I don't harbour any false ideas that my life or experience is in any way comparable to someone living in extreme circumstances, such as children living in war torn countries, or face political or religious persecution. I can never begin to even think of how they deal with what they have to face or compare what has happened to me with them. This is something we must come to realise, but at the same time not feel guilty or ashamed for feeling depressed at ultimately superficial problems.

If you lose someone you cared for, whether through death or a relationship collapse, it's natural for you to feel upset. This is normal, and she never be seen as something you should "suck up". We're meant to feel strong feelings of emotion towards something important to us. It's human nature.

We can't compare ourselves to those in a worse situation, but we should appreciate just how awful another's struggle is, and come to the realisation that not everything we complain about is as bad as we think.

I believe this post changed directions mid-way (lol, closed down), not really covering either point that well. Ah well.

Well, that was inconsistent. I think that's a new catch phrase right there.

Call of Duty: Black Frocks

What is the purpose of this blog I hear you loudly ask? Well, I don't know.

I don't plan to cater to any niche genre or anything along those lines. I love music, films and books, but I don't plan to write about any on a regular basis - sure I'll probably state my musical tastes a bit, but this won't be a blog devoted to that.

I guess this is just another of the few (millions) blogs that are simply just a person giving his thoughts of things no one truly cares about. I may rant from time to time or go on some kind of crusade from my moral high ground - which'll probably include me spouting off about racism and the horrible situations many people face due to discrimination.

Who knows...this blog'll be a mixed bag...of fun.

Of course, as you can probably see, this will end up being becoming a monotonous drivel of my thoughts and views. Though, I've heard that's pretty interesting. At least I tell myself that anyway.

I hope perhaps in time I will begin writing interesting topics, that may or may not be 'hot topic' and some people will enjoy reading it. This is not my aim though, I hold no fantasies of becoming some blog super star...I mean there's already enough of those.

Get ready for rants, observations and many distractions.

Mobile entity

Hey, look.

Blogger on my mobile.

You will prove to be useful in the near future.

Right then.

Well, I don't mind this whole blog thing. It has its charms.

And look 10 views! I'm obviously making progress - leaps and bounds if you will.

Though, I don't really intend to write this for anyone or any group, this is more a personal endeavour.

It is time for bed. The slumbers if you will. I only hope they're golden.

Goodnight and good luck. May your children be prosperous.

Until we mentally clash again,

- Aidan

Façade/Intro

Well, it would seem that I have finally joined the world of blogging.

So far, so good.

I suppose a formal introduction would be appreciated from my soon to be mass viewing public, so here you go:

"Hello, my name is Aidan Davidson. I am your friend."

I think that sums up where this blog is going and my frame of mind.

--END INTRO--

Now, for my first real 'blog post', which I shall entitle: "Façade"

We all hide behind a shell, a shield - a barrier that allows us to give away just as much as we want, but never to let ourselves become vulnerable. We keep hidden away those dark secrets we hold within ourself, as those are yours - and yours alone.

For someone to enter that inner most dark place of yours, that place of supreme tenderness and vulnerability, well, that is to give one's self up. It is a relinquish of our security; a safety net. It is when someone holds that knowledge, that pure essence of your very existence is when they can destroy you - when they completely make you crumble as a person - as a being or a soul.

I never let this down, I never let myself be who I am or reveal what I truly think or feel. There is always this wall between me and the real me - sometimes it is fragile and some may be revealed from those who look hard enough or know what to look for, but it is never really broken down. Never are the demons set loose to destroy what I have created in myself as a person.

This isn't a positive, this is a burden. I have not met a person I have truly been able to release myself to, despite the strong want to. This leads to frustration, built up rage - never truly getting what you want or need. Never fully gratified as a person.

We keep up a façade because it is protection - never revealing our true self, only what we wish to show. Some try to push forward this image of them self that is a total contrast of what they really are - to completely distort their own personal reality as a way of pleasing others around them, or to feel they are something different to what they are - not something they loath.

This 'post' has been a disjointed affair, that lacked direction or truly captured what I was trying to say. I only hope I don't disappoint my non-existent audience.